Ported from JAP to NTSC then converted from Codebreaker/Gameshark(don't remeber which I did) to ARMAX

I'll just post all of them...

(M) Code - Made by me..YAY!
9JUB-QZTD-X02D7
YR7Y-P4P8-39F64

Skip FMV
KRZF-EYAV-KH4E6
KKA3-AGC7-47KB6

Get exp for max level
QYDX-E48F-WJZHA
EK0B-FEGH-DERKY

Weapon Attack 100
9THJ-ZHFA-VXABB
WJVW-BF5A-2AKHE

Have all Characters
QRV2-BAKK-AFBJT
YG9Z-BT0M-F34QT
ZM7F-YQP8-3ZDHJ

inf health
FQX4-P3G5-XMRDX
5DNG-QA5X-6M4PB
07NK-GYK6-Z1X6T

musou max recover
NR34-4QCP-CU529
JN69-NDT7-5EGC8


K.O 9999
T3Y6-2WB1-FG7YZ
KWM4-P23B-FKF25

Chain 9999(Quick Chains Lv up)
K3G2-GEBH-0NUNE
8KRD-FYVD-NZDVW

HP and Musou Get 999 After Lv up
4RDR-PVHJ-009TY
EJ9E-7EEQ-MP29D

Inf. Saves(Ported by Chaoszage)
Z8YV-RF8M-HDK2H
FV7Z-YQEJ-433AC

Challenge Mode - Max Box Broke
D563-W0GM-6ZXG7
2X0F-GD51-MF2KY

Inf. Item(All)
KTBV-4EHG-R6HJ3
6NXX-ZDGQ-AACUK
2FF3-BBYZ-G22YD
2GE0-P4Q6-JG8JP
W194-95CE-281Q7
JYGB-HDWT-29DH4

Player Stat

HP 1000
3Q97-HXQM-33V8Q
J870-WAVM-GDDRA

Musou 1000
373H-RR6T-WW07D
GDT9-QTA5-A0WZ0

Atk 1000
ANX2-GNJP-6E5RF
YE9X-5H3Z-GKMD7

Def 1000
YWPR-FWH5-YVCC2
8R0C-5534-JP6FZ

Horse Max Stat
990J-55W1-YU2K2
E96J-W126-J7M8Y
1N00-E11Q-MY2M9
BHP4-JCN7-4R999
3KHU-5ZKW-K0D7C

DINASTY

CODE DINASTY WARRIOR 6


Ported from JAP to NTSC then converted from Codebreaker/Gameshark(don't remeber which I did) to ARMAX

I'll just post all of them...

(M) Code - Made by me..YAY!
9JUB-QZTD-X02D7
YR7Y-P4P8-39F64

Skip FMV
KRZF-EYAV-KH4E6
KKA3-AGC7-47KB6

Get exp for max level
QYDX-E48F-WJZHA
EK0B-FEGH-DERKY

Weapon Attack 100
9THJ-ZHFA-VXABB
WJVW-BF5A-2AKHE

Have all Characters
QRV2-BAKK-AFBJT
YG9Z-BT0M-F34QT
ZM7F-YQP8-3ZDHJ

inf health
FQX4-P3G5-XMRDX
5DNG-QA5X-6M4PB
07NK-GYK6-Z1X6T

musou max recover
NR34-4QCP-CU529
JN69-NDT7-5EGC8


K.O 9999
T3Y6-2WB1-FG7YZ
KWM4-P23B-FKF25

Chain 9999(Quick Chains Lv up)
K3G2-GEBH-0NUNE
8KRD-FYVD-NZDVW

HP and Musou Get 999 After Lv up
4RDR-PVHJ-009TY
EJ9E-7EEQ-MP29D

Inf. Saves(Ported by Chaoszage)
Z8YV-RF8M-HDK2H
FV7Z-YQEJ-433AC

Challenge Mode - Max Box Broke
D563-W0GM-6ZXG7
2X0F-GD51-MF2KY

Inf. Item(All)
KTBV-4EHG-R6HJ3
6NXX-ZDGQ-AACUK
2FF3-BBYZ-G22YD
2GE0-P4Q6-JG8JP
W194-95CE-281Q7
JYGB-HDWT-29DH4

Player Stat

HP 1000
3Q97-HXQM-33V8Q
J870-WAVM-GDDRA

Musou 1000
373H-RR6T-WW07D
GDT9-QTA5-A0WZ0

Atk 1000
ANX2-GNJP-6E5RF
YE9X-5H3Z-GKMD7

Def 1000
YWPR-FWH5-YVCC2
8R0C-5534-JP6FZ

Horse Max Stat
990J-55W1-YU2K2
E96J-W126-J7M8Y
1N00-E11Q-MY2M9
BHP4-JCN7-4R999
3KHU-5ZKW-K0D7C

tentang akyu

duh

http://www.friendster.com/photos/105909769/1/143711595
http://www.friendster.com/photos/105909769/1/979934042
http://www.friendster.com/photos/105909769/1/813475467
http://www.friendster.com/photos/105909769/1/118142090

bully

Code	Effect
L1, L1, R1, L1, L1, L1, R1, R1	All Clothes (Game slows down until another button is pressed)
hold L1 and press UP, LEFT, DOWN, DOWN, TRIANGLE, SQUARE, X, X	All gym grapple moves (not shown in stats)
hold L1 and press UP, LEFT, DOWN, RIGHT, TRIANGLE, SQUARE, X, CIRCLE	All Hobo fighting moves (not shown in stats)
hold L1 and press R2, R2, R2	Full Health (not kissing level)
hold L1 and press UP, UP, UP, UP	Have All Weapons
hold L1 and press UP, DOWN, UP, DOWN	Infinite Ammo Toggle
hold L1 and press TRIANGLE, SQUARE, CIRCLE, X	Massive Money Gain
hold L1 and press UP, UP	Refill Ammo to Max Capacity

Contributed By: HKSGTR.

harvest

Hint: Characters:
CptQuestion.

Carter: An archeologist that you can help dig things.

Cassy: Makes fireworks with his twin brother, Patrick.

Celia: Loves animals. You can marry her. Like Muffy, she loves flowers.

Chris: A cheerful, hard-working, woman. She is married to Wally.

Cody: A great artist. He lives in a trailer. Very buff.

Dr. Hardy: Looks after Romana, Galen, and Nina; and gives advice.

E. Daryl: A scientist who is researching a creature that lives in the spring.

Flora: Lives with and helps Carter out with the digging.

Galen: A very old man. He is married to Nina.

Griffin: Owner and drink-maker at the Blue Bar. Plays guitar sometimes.

Gustafa: Loves to play the guitar. He plays it mostly at night.

Hugh: Chris and Wally's son. Works out with his dad. He grows up during the game.

Lumina: Romana's granddaughter. Too young to marry. She is very sweet. Plays the piano.

Marlin: Vesta's brother. Loves doing hard work. Also takes care of Celia.

Muffy: Works at Blue Bar. You can marry her. She loves flowers.

Murrey: A very poor man. He steals a lot of things.

Nami: Stays at Inner Inn. You can marry her. If you do not, she will leave.

Nina: A very old lady. She is married to Galen. She dies in Chapter 2.

Patrick: Makes fireworks with his twin brother, Cassy.

Rock: Tim and Ruby's son. He stays at Inner Inn. You can find him at the beach alot.

Romana: An old lady that lives in a huge mansion with her granddaughter, Lumina. Gives you a cat.

Ruby: Other co-owner of Inner Inn. A great chef and Tim's wife. Goes to Mineral Town a lot.

Sebastian: Romana and Lumina's butler. He is treated like family.

Takakura: A big help on the farm. Used to be father's best friend.

Tim: Co-owner of Inner Inn. He enjoys sampling food. Ruby's husband.

Van: Buys and sells items next to the Inner Inn. Sells a goat in Springs.

Vesta: A great farmer. She takes care of Celia. She also has a big farm.

Wally: A man who loves to work out and jog. He is married to Chris.

Hint: Likes and dislikes:
The following is a list of items that various characters like and dislike.
Gamer Slinky.

Celia: Flowers, Moon Stones, crops.

Chris: Milk and fruit flowers.

Daryl: Big Snelt, Nyamame, Light Pickles, Tomamelo Salad, and eggs. He dislikes milk.

Galen: Almost all fish.

Muffy: Flowers, Moon Stones, shiny items (for example, coins from the Dig Site).

Murrey: Fodder, Wool.

Nami: Trick Blue flowers (only grow in fall), Curry, Fossils and Clay Statues from Dig Site, and crops.

Nina: Produce, fruit, and flowers.

Tim: Colombo (fish in Turtle Swamp).

Wally: Produce (especially Goat Milk).

Hint: Wake up times:
Eduardo Marban.

Wally's family: 6:00 a.m.
Grant's family: 6:00 a.m.
Blue Bar: 10:00 a.m. to 2:00 a.m.
Takakura: 5:00 a.m.
Celia (if wife): 6:00 a.m.
Son: 6:00 a.m.
Pyrotecnitions: 7:00 a.m.
Gustafa: 9:00 a.m.

Hint: Recipes:
Note: RT# indicate second generation hybrid trees.
Jwguy1115.

Soups
Earth Soup: Potato and Carrot
Fish Stew: Carrot/Turnip, Potato, and Fish
Stew: Potato, Carrot, and Milk
Yam Soup: Sweet Potato
Tomatoma Soup: Carrot and Tomato
Good Soup: Turnip and Bashota and Fish

Salads
Light Pickles: Turnip
Tomamelo: Tomato and Melon
Marinade: Turnip, Mugwort, and Fish
Tomacarro: Carrot and Tomato
Fruit Salad: Tomato, any fruit, and any other fruit
Good Pickles: Trady and Cady
Pickles: Cabber
Red Salad: Tomato, Trady, and Tomaca
Potemelo: Potemelo and Fish
Mellow Salad: Melotoma, Dhilon, and RT #2

Hors d'oeuvres
Melon Pie: Melon, Egg, and Butter
Strawberry Pie: Strawberry, Egg, and Butter
Grape Pie: Grape, Egg, and Butter
Sashimi: Fish
Sashimi S: Fish and a different fish
Fried Mushrooms: Tomato, Mushroom, and Butter
Smooth Veggies: Turnip, Carrot, and Potato
Tempura: Sweet Potato, Mushroom, and any herb
Red Hot Pie: Butter, Egg, and RT #6

Desserts
Strawberry Cake: Strawberry, Egg, and Butter
Fruit Punch: Any fruit, any other second fruit, and any other third fruit
Ice Cream: Brown Milk and Star Milk
Pound Cake: Milk, Egg, and Butter
Carrot Cake: Carrot, Milk, and Egg
Rich Juice: Strawberry, Banana, and Star Milk
Kashry Ice Cream: Kashry, Brown Milk, and Star Milk
Veggie Cake: Tomato, Egg, and Milk
Cocktail: Berrytoma and Phuju
Sweet Cocktail: Oraphu and Gehju
Love Cocktail: Watermelon and Grapes
Phurum Jam: Phurum
Magenge Jam: Magenge
Peach Tart: Peach, Butter, and Egg
Dhibe Cake: Dhibe, Milk, and Egg
Grilled Yam: Sweet Potato
Sweet Potato: Sweet Potato, Butter, and Egg
Good Juice 1: Carrot/Tomato, any vegetable, and Orange/Apple/Grapes
Good Juice 2: 2 Different fruits and RT#5/RT#7
Pulp Tart: Butter, Egg, and RT#1
Sour Cocktail: Grapes, and RT#9
Tropical Punch: RT#4, RT#5, and RT#7

Entrees
Curry: Carrot, Potato, and Ruby Spice
Mushroom Curry: Carrot, any mushroom, and Ruby Spice
Mushroom Gratin: Any mushroom, Milk, and Butter/Cheese
Omelette: Egg and Butter
Gratin: Milk, Butter, and Cheese
Meuniere Set: Butter and Fish

game psku

Life

Hint: Get ducks:
Buy the pond for 2,500 G. Then, wait until you get married. Make sure you have room in your chicken coop. Use your sickle and make a two square long path going in a plus side pattern from the fence to the pond. Make sure it remains cut. Eventually your wife will wake you up, telling you that there are ducks in the pond.
Alectricboy.

Go to Takakura and purchase a pond for 2,500 G sometime during the Summer in Chapter 2. Then, wake up later than your wife in the morning.

Ducks will go into your pond sometime in the Summer of any year, but you must have room in your Chicken Coop.
Lilpiggy44.

Note: Do not purchase a duck pond in Year 2 or above. You must buy it in Year 1.
Bunniecuz.

Once you buy a pond and get ducks, you may be wondering when you will get ducklings. Eggs will not appear under your female duck(s), but instead be under the chickens. If you incubate a chicken egg, you might be surprised to find that it has hatched to be a duck.

Hint: Get a cat:
Befriend Romona. Somewhere in Chapter 2 and up, Romona will come to your house and let you name and have it.
AirSoft21491.

You can get a cat sometime in the second year in the second chapter (Happy Birthday). You will get the cat from Romana, the lady that lives in the mansion. Note: You do not need to be friends with her.
Parrotguy719.

Hint: Get a dog:
Befriend Carter, the man who works at the dig site. He likes food. Sometimes if you go up there, you will see a yellow thing. Go up to it and zoom in with Z . He will give it to you, but you must give him food almost everyday.
Goat Girl 51094.

Hint: Punish your dog:
Note: Do not do this if you put your chickens in the pasture. A mad dog may eat chickens and other pets. Put the dog in the pasture for one season. This works better in the summer because of the heat. The dog may bite you, chase your toddler down to the ocean and bite him, eat your chickens, and/or eat your other pets. Your son will have to go to Dr. Hardy if he gets bitten. If you are friends with Hardy, it is free. If not, it will cost 6,000 G. If you do not have enough you will have to pay off the dept. This may not work on the first attempt.
Saul Hayden.

Hint: Keep dog from being bad:
In Year 2 when you get the cat it will eat out of the dog bowl. Make sure your dog also eats or he will eat your animals, bite your son, and bite you.
AC1D3ARTH.

Hint: Get a goat:
Starting in the second year, you can buy a goat from Van. It will give milk once per day for a full season, then it will stop. You can sell the goat milk for 115 G or make goat cheese and butter. The goat cheese and butter sell for 155 G and 150 G. However, you cannot sell the goat.
AirSoft21491.

Hint: Get a horse:
During the first summer of The Beginning, somewhere around Summer 8 Takura will give you the horse. He says that you ordered it, then finds out that you did not order it.
Parrotguy719.

Do not order or ship anything through spring and summer and you will get your horse on summer first.
Saul Hayden.

Hint: Calling horse:
Press R(2) to calls you horse from anywhere outside to you.
TLG888.

Hint: Calm angry horse:
You can tell if your horse is angry by hugging it. If a heart appears above its head, it is happy. If it snorts, it is angry. Give it an apple a day for several days and its mood will improve.
iluvmaxi.

Hint: Animal deaths:
Your animals will die if you keep them in the rain or do not feed them. Soon, your animal will need the "Animal Medicine". If you do not give it the Animal Medicine, it will die.
Ashley Atkinson.

Hint: Wake animals:
To wake up your animals whenever you want, just push them from their head until they turn around. The animal should awaken after it turns.
Tom Diamond.

Hint: Cow pregnancy:
You should get your cow pregnant when it has been producing B type milk, or when it stops giving milk. If it is the first year, do not buy a bull. Use a different bull. In Year 2 or later, buy a bull.
Legomaniac1000.

Hint: Getting your cows to give you milk:
After a year, your cow will stop giving milk. If this happens, impregnate your cow using the "Miracle Potion". It will take thirty days, but after this is done you will get Mama's Milk and she will start giving milk again.
Antoni2091711.

Hint: Chinese checkers mini-game:
If you enter Kassey's house when one of them is there you can sometimes play a mini game that is similar to Chinese checkers.
TLG888.

Hint: Tombstone washer mini-game:
In Chapter 2, go to Nina's grave at 6:30 a.m. and talk to Garen. You can play the tombstone washer mini game.
TLG888.

Hint: Tartan:
Walk into Takakura's house 5:00 to 10:00. You must be friends with him and he must be in there. Tartan is a talking plant.
l, yaeapiGokujrgoten.

Once you get to Chapter 2 Happy Birthday, you go through two years instead of one. When you get to this chapter, then play the year until Spring 1. Then in the fall on the third day, find Takakura at 5:00 a.m. Befriend him by giving him foods you made. Note: Do not give him any crops because he will not accept them. Befriend him, then on the fifth day in the Fall make sure he does not live. When it is 5:30 p.m. he will walk into his house. Follow him and the intermission sequence with Tartan will start. Make sure do it on your first attempt or you will not be able to get him.
adrian johnson.

Hint: Golden Eggs:
Let out your chickens or ducks every day that the weather is nice. Press A to pick them up then press Y to love them. You must love them every day. Eventually (less than one season), you will start to get golden eggs. Do not put your golden eggs in the Dairy Shipping Bin for Takakura to buy. He will only give you 300G. Instead, wait for Van to come to town and sell them to him. He to will offer you 300G and ask if that price is okay. Answer "No" and he will offer you a larger sum of 360G then ask if that is okay. Tell him "I'll take it".
zdjokic.

Hint: Golden Wool or White Wool:
To get Golden Wool or White Wool, let your sheep outside then push them by the water trough. Use the brush you can buy from Van and press Y to wash them. Then, cut their wool with the clippers.
AirSoft21491.

Use the following trick to get Golden Wool and eggs more often. Love your sheep, chickens and ducks every day. Press Y when in front of the animal and the heart symbol appears in the top right corner. When it is time to sheer the sheep, give it some extra head rubs and wash it before you cut the wool off. It is possible to get Golden Wool every season from your sheep and at least one golden egg per season.
Smeagol.

If you want Golden Wool, every time you sheer your sheep wash it two times quickly. Then, take the wool sheers or electric clippers you ordered from Takukura and sheer it very quickly. If it does not work you may not have done it fast enough.
dragn_lvr.

Hint: Easy money:
Buy a Seed Mixer and put in any of the fruit from tree crops. Sell the seeds instead of the fruit to make lots more money. For example, grapes sell for about 35 G each but the seeds are worth 450 G each.

Get a Seed Mixer from the order sheet or befriend Daryl the scientist. Get one of each tree from Vesta and plant it. When the tree is giving fruit, put all of it in the Seed Mixer. When the fruit turns to seeds sell them to Van. After all the fruit is gone from all five trees and you have turned them into seeds and have sold them you will have enough money to buy a food processing room and a milking room. Note: Daryl likes coins from the dig.
johnandholly7550.

Around the middle of Chapters 1, 2 or 3 you can buy a Seed Maker. Get at least one tree seed from Vesta Farm and plant it in your fields. The most fertile place would be a good location. After the tree has grown, flowers, and makes fruit, take the grown fruit and put it in the Seed Maker. Leave it for three games days. When you return, the Seed Maker will have seeds. Sell the seeds to Van to get a large amount of money. You can also do this to other vegetables and fruits and not have to buy seeds from the farm, which will cut back on the seeds that you buy every season. The Seed Maker will give you two seeds for every vegetable or fruit you put in. For example, if you put one peach in the Seed Maker you will get two peach seeds. Note: You can put a total of twelve vegetables or fruit in the Seed Maker.
Colhan3000.

This trick requires the Ruby Spice from Ruby. Go to your kitchen and choose any type of food (salad, soup, desserts) and use only one Ruby Spice. You will get another Ruby Spice. Repeat this process until you have 99 of them. Remember to keep one somewhere so you can keep doing this. Each Ruby Spice can be sold for 100 G.
Sepiria Higarashi.

Sell your Fodder to Van when he comes to town for 10 G.
Colt LeRoy.

Sell all of your Milk to Van and reject his first price. He should greatly increase his price. You can also do this with Golden Wool and Golden Eggs.
Dragonball Z.

If you make a mistake on a recipe and get a failed or unknown food, do not throw it away. Van will buy it for 5 G.
legomaster101.

Feed your cow good fodder and the milk will eventually upgrade to Grade S.
AEROKEELE.

To make pure profit from your crops, go to Vesta's Farm as usual and purchase the crops you desire. Pay special attention to the price she charges you. For example, if you buy 17 seeds of Crop "X" which equals 50 G a seed, the combined cost of all the crops you want is 850 G. Go back to your farm, harvest the crops, and wait. Once they turn ripe they can be bought for 935 G, for example. You have now already made a profit of 85 G. To totally cover the cost of the crops and pull in an even larger profit, cut your grass outside to make fodder until you have cut 94 of them. Each piece can be bought for 10 G. Sell them to Van, the overweight, red clad peddler that visits every so often. Sell the grass for 940 G. In conclusion, the combined price of the crops and the fodder you sold equals a combined selling value of 1875 G, for a 940 G profit.
Roccopiccola.

First, buy some trees (Bananas sell for the most, then Peaches, Grapes, Apples and Oranges). Plant them in your most fertile field and water them everyday. Next, buy the Seed Maker, then get it, etc. Next, harvest the fruit from the trees (summer: Bananas, Peaches, and Oranges; fall: Grapes and Apples. Then, make them into seeds, etc. and sell to them Van. Orange seeds sell for 410 G, Peach seeds for 560 G, Gape seeds for 450 G, Banana seeds for 750 G, and Apple seeds for 410 G. Note: Only buy one seed of each kind of tree, plant them, and when it is time to harvest, keep about two or three seeds. One fruit equals two seeds.
x0HarvestMoon0x.

Once you get the spice from Ruby, you can sell it for 100 G. Go in your kitchen and place the spice in the first spot, then cook it. Make sure that the spice is the only thing that you are cooking. Once you get 99 spices, go to your cabinet in your tool shed. Place 98 of them in there, so you can go back to your kitchen and get more. By doing this, when Van comes to town you can sell more of them and make more of a profit then 9800 G. This is one of the easiest ways to make money. Remember to always keep one spice so that you can repeat the trick.
kharnden.

At the start of game, buy a sheep and a wool shear. Get money by going to the excavation or collecting and selling flowers. After you get a high amount of money (2,000 G or more), buy at least one grape seed and ten fertilizer. Cultivate then get more money (6,000 G or more). If Daryl has not given you a seed maker, build one. Cultivate grapes then place them in the seed maker. Sell them to Van. You will receive 2,800 G or more, depending on the amount that you cultivate. Then, buy more trees. If your money is low, simply cultivate the grape seeds. Then, buy a light hoe and a big watering can. After that, get more money (selling seeds, wool, flowers, wild plants, and things from the excavation). Get 30,000 G and buy a food processing room. Continue selling until you get 40,000 G or more and buy a cow. Buy it good fodder (between 10 and 20). Give it one fodder and one good fodder two times every day. Brush, hug, and talk to them everyday until you get Grade S milk. Then, make butter and cheese to get a money (3,000 G or more). Plantt more trees and when you get the crop, place it in the seed maker. With this you can buy easy the other buildings.
brig taylorx2.

At the beginning of the first year, buy a banana tree. Then, wait till the banana tree grows .Note: You a must have Seed Maker. Collect bananas and put them in the Seed Maker. If you sell them to Van, you will get 750 G per seed. Keep one and grow another one.
Patrick.

If you wake up at about 2:00 a.m. with nothing to do, collect flowers, mugworts, and anything else you can find. Sell them to Van when he arrives, but keep some for your crush. Do this until you can milk the cow. Then, put away the milk unless you want to open a stand and sell it. Then, go to whoever you want to marry and give flowers, crops, big huchep, and whatever they like. Then, go fishing until about four. Then, go home and milk the cow. If you have chickens, do not get any roosters unless you want chicks. The hens will then lay many eggs and you can sell them.
Jimborre.

Note: Use a sickle to cut your grass if you do not have much Fodder. Go to your barn and get some Fodder out. Put it in your bag. Repeat this until you have 99 in your bag. You do not have to get all 99 at the same time. After you have 99 Fodder with you and cannot get more, put all of it on the shelf inside the tool house. Then, fill your bag again. Once you have 99 pieces of Fodder on your shelf and in your bag, wait for Van to come out. Sell him all the Fodder with you. Afterwards, get the Fodder on your shelf and sell that to him as well. You will make a profit of 1980 G.
hayden camp.

Go to your fodder bin located inside the barn. When it is full (read the clipboard next to the bin to make sure it is at 999), take out 99 Fodder. Sell them to Van. He will buy them for 10 G each.
Austin G.

Collect 120 flowers and give them all to Van the salesman. He will give you 1,000 G.
hippohugs45.

Keep 99 Fodder in your cabinet and 99 Fodder in your bag. When Van arrives in town, grab another Fodder from your bin and carry it with you all the way to Van. Sell all 100 Fodders for 10 G each to get 1000 G, then go home and take the 99 Fodder out of your cabinet to do the trick again. It requires about 2.5 game hours to get each 99 Fodders, but in the long run it is worth it. Also, Fodder is free.
Solace.

This trick requires Tartan and a Seed Maker. One of the quickest ways to make money is through trees. If you have a little bit of gold at your disposal, start by buying banana seeds (although any tree seed will work). Take any crop to Tartan and hybrid it with an Upseed, then a Gemsoil, and finally a Happy Lamp. The result should be an S-ranked crop that can be planted in any soil and in any season. Take the banana tree seed and hybrid it with the "Super Crop" (banana must be on the left). You now have a "Super Tree". After that tree is planted and you have the fruit from it, put them into the Seed Maker and sell the "Super Seeds" that are produced.
BJPROADKILL2.

Hint: Easy items:
To get free items like a Strange Sickle and a Tumtum, go to the hippy/song writer's house at night. This will only work slightly after midnight.
Bob Fife Jr.

Hint: More tools:
If you become good friends with Vesta (give her flowers everyday) then look for her in her storage room, she will eventually give you the weird hoe. Also, if you become good friends with Dr. Hardy (he likes coins from the dig site) and enter his house when he moves to town, he will give you the weird sickle. Give flowers to Gustafa everyday and when you can enter his house, if he is friends with you he will give you a strange sickle. Also become friends with Sabrina, Kate, and/or Grant (your friendship with one will eventually rub off onto the rest of the family). Grant will give you an alarm clock to help get you up in the morning. Kate and Sabrina both like flowers. Finally if you become friends with Romona, Subastian and Lumina, (Romona and Lumina like flowers and Subastian likes old coins, gold ones only and eggs), Romona will eventually give you a wooden watering can. You can use the tools or just collect them. They are a symbol of friendship with these people.
kittykatgirl80.

Hint: Free Seed Maker:
Befriend Daryl (the scientist) and wait until you see his trap #2 for catching the monster. When it fails, go to his house. When you enter his house you will see an intermission sequence with him talking about the Seed Maker. He will give you one when he is done talking.
lil zee.

Befriend Daryl, the crazy scientist. To become friends with him, give him Eggs, Light Pickles, Tomamelo Salad, or fish. His favorites are Big Snelt and Nyamame. Then on Year 2, Summer 7, at 7:40, walk into his house. This will trigger an intermission sequence in which he is mad because someone is stealing his inventions like the Seed Maker. This does not work if you order the Seed Maker from Takakura's order form. To prove to you that his is the best and original, Daryl will give you a free one. If the first time you enter the intermission sequence not trigger, leave and reenter immediately. If it has not worked by 8:00, then try again the next day.
Gamer Slinky.

After befriending Daryl, go into his house any day from 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. The first intermission sequence will start about using lightning to power the city. Note: This scene might only work if it is raining. Do this again the next day or any day afterwards. Another scene will start about powering the city with solar power. The next day, go to his house at the same time and he will give you the Seedmaker.
monie mac.

Hint: Level S seeds:
This trick requires almost a year of patience, depending on where you are in the game. Wait until you have the Talking, Hybridizing plant Tartan. Once you have him, find the seed you want to be "super". It can be a hybrid or normal crop). Then, gather the vast quantities of the following flowers in the corresponding seasons: Happy Lamp (Summer), Gemsoil (Fall), and Upseed (Winter). Once you have all of them, go to Tartan with the "super" seed to be. One at a time, combine the seed with one of each flower. Once each flower is combined, stop hybridizing and press Start. Highlight the seed and press the "Help" button. The seed is now level S, can be grown in any soil, in any season, and thus a "super" seed.
Jwguy1115.

Hint: Always have healthy seeds and plants:
If you are having trouble planting seeds and keeping them alive in the correct seasons you are probably planting them next to a tree of some type. Plant seeds one diagonal square away from a tree and water it twice a day until it can be harvested. You will have a type A or B seed by planting it this way.
rosette321.

Hint: No more tree watering:
Once you get your tree fully grown up but not flowered, you never have to water it again.
KobaltX.

Hint: Heartbreaker:
If you are having a difficult time getting Nami to fall for you, consider taking the roundabout approach. Break Muffy and Celia's hearts by proposals to them. Show Muffy and Celia the Blue Feather. When they ask "Are you serious?" say "No." By the end of the first chapter, Nami's affection should be high enough that you can propose to her.
AirSoft21491.

Hint: Ruby's Spice:
To get Ruby's Spice, give her crops that you grow (she really likes potatoes). If you give her enough, she will look at you when you go by. Wait until she goes inside the inn, then go into the inn's kitchen. You can now get Ruby's Spice.
Gamecheatmaster2.

Hint: Strange Hoe:
To get the Strange Hoe you must befriend Tim the hotel manger. He likes fruits.
Jared Ceklosky.

Hint: Tartan:
You can get Tartan by walking into Takura's house in the Winter at about 9:30 to 10:00 p.m. in Chapter 2 and later. Note: Save the game before doing this.
Cheynan Maynard.

Hint: Wool Clipper:
Become friends with Wally in Chapter 2. When you go into his house, he will give you a Wool Clipper.
Judy Truong.

Hint: Monster sighting:
Go into your house before 9:00 p.m. Wait until 9:45 p.m. and walk out of your house. This should start an intermission sequence where you will see Daryl walking into the woods toward the spring to find the monster that has been seen lately. The monsters name will be Mukumuku. Note: You may have to be friends with Daryl for this to work.
Debra Fenby.

Hint: Harvest Spirit:
In Spring of Chapter 3, go to the pond at 11:30. There will be a scene about getting the Harvest Spirit to come to the Spring.
JenMouse1.

Hint: Fishing:
Do not go fishing with a empty stomach.
Kingpenguin9696.

To make a fish bite faster, press R + L quickly. After doing this for a while and if a fish does not bite, stop for a while. Note: This may not work every time.
a.j. fisler.

Hint: Expensive fish:
If you watch the television in your room at the end of Year 1 or the beginning of Year 2 you will see an episode of the fishing channel. It will say that there is an extremely rare fish in the Forget-Me-Not Valley called the Big Arna. If you go to the spring, fish at exactly 6:00 am and stay there for two days straight. You will catch a Big Arna. It is worth 800G each.
Whitney Wylie.

Hint: Good fishing site:
To catch good fish, go to the dig site and fish as close to the waterfall as you can. If you are trying to win Muffy's heart, she likes Big Huchep and that is the best place for that and other rare fish. Note: She will not accept a regular Huchep.
Goat Girl 51094.

Hint: Gold Fishing Pole:
Befriend Galen and he will give you the fishing pole. You can fish in Turtle Swamp.
Goat Girl 51094.

Befriend Galen in the first year. In the second year, follow the doctor around until he goes into Galen's house (the one south of Vesta's farm). Talk to Galen and say "Yes" to when he asks if you like fishing. He will give you the Fishing Rod G.
sue sharp.

Hint: Weird sickle:
Go to Hardy's house at about 10:30. You must befriend him to do this. An intermission sequence will begin, and he will give you a weird sickle. Note: This may not work on the first try.
Jade V.

Hint: Strange utensils:
Strange utensils are very heavy. It is best to just collect them and not use them. Using them wastes energy and you will get dizzy often, costing time.
utley_girl3.

Hint: Planting crops:
Use the following trick if you have a hard time planting with the watering can. Use the watering can with the faucet by the chicken coop. It will help you by spraying water instead of drops.
Jared Ceklosky.

Plant your crops corner to corner of each other or one might block the sun from another one.
Saul Hayden.

Hint: Piano practice:
If you walk into Romana's Villa around 10:30 a.m., you should start an intermission sequence that shows Lumina playing the piano and Romana telling her to "Play more freely" She will then stop and she will talk to you. You will then be given a choice of what to say to her. If you tell her "That's OK, have fun", she will tell you a story and you will be friends or become better friends with her.
Debra Fenby.

Hint: Milk drinking contest:
When you go into the Inner Inn and Rock and Tim are in the main room, go over to Rock. He will ask to have a milk drinking contest. Try going there on Spring the 9th at about 2:30.
Tori Co.

In the Chapter 2, when Grant (Kate's dad) moves into town, he will sometimes be in the Inn on rainy days. If you are good friends with him, he will challenge you to a milk drinking contest. All you have to do is keep pressing A to win. If you win, nothing will happen.
Megs4611.

Hint: Get more things at Carter's dig:
After you dig all of the gray, go back and dig in the normal dirt. You may get more things. After you dig the dirt again for the second time, Carter will make you stop.
Morse3.

Hint: Box from the beach:
When you are married to Celia, sometime in the third chapter (about Spring the 3rd), at about 5 or 6 in the morning, go into your son's room. He will be lying on the floor by a box. Ask what the box is and he will say he found it on the beach. Say that it is cool and he will get all excited that you also liked it. He will then tell you that there is a secret code on the side. If you answer "It says Fragile," he will say "Wow! Cool! You know how to tell what codes are!? Your like a spy!". This may make him look up to you, or at least like you.
Tori Co.

Hint: Quick rest:
Select the "Diary" option and choose to go to sleep. Save the game when asked, then reset the Gamecube. Load that saved game file to resume just before the time you went to sleep, but fully rested.

Hint: Prevent offending girl:
If you offend a girl whom you want to marry, it will take longer to get a heart. To prevent this, when you do one of the intermission sequences with the girl, she will talk to you and you will have to respond. There are two responses that you can choose from. One of them is good, and the other is a bad choice. If you choose a bad response, wait until the sequence is over and reset the Gamecube. You should wake up to the same day as the intermission sequence, and can do the same thing that you did before to get the sequence. This time, make a good choice for the response.
Keira Campbell.

Hint: Child types:
Nami will have a quiet child. He will be anything that is not social. Celia's child will be down-to-earth. He will most likely be a farmer with you. Muffy's child will be giggly. He will most likely be a salesman. Nami's child will be dressed in all light blue. Celia's child will be all green. Muffy's child will be in blue overalls, a red shirt, and a hat with blue stripes.
Summer.

Hint: Child career interest signs:
There are some signs that indicate whether your son is interested in a certain career. Most of these signs occur in Chapter 3 or later.
Mr. MG Green.

Artist: Your son will have fireworks from the pyrotechnics in his room. He will mention Cody in his diary entries. He will go to Cody's house very often and stand there for a while. He will occasionally go to the pile of rocks next to Galen's house. He will have a book about colors in his room.

Athlete: Your son will have weights in his room. He will mention Wally or Hugh when he talks to you. He will sometimes run around in a certain room.

Farmer: Your son will mostly stay around your farm. He will ask you if you like farm work. He will mention Vesta when he talks to you. He will have the book "Plants by the Sea" in his room. To make your child interested in being a farmer, as a toddler, show your son animals, crops, and the calf hutch. He will soon become very interested. As a tween, look in his bookcase and focus on title. This shows his interests. His diary is also important. Focus on his models.
utley_girl3.

Musician: Will mention Gustafa when he talks to you. In Chapter 2, he will ask if you can sing. He will accept the drums from Gustafa. He will accept the Music Sheet from Lumina. He will occasionally visit Gustafa's Yurt.

Rancher: He will stay around your farm and rarely leave it. He will say "Animals are so cute". He can often be seen in the barn or pasture. He will have the book "I Love Pets" in his room.

Scholar: He will mention Daryl and Carter when he talks to you. He will accept artifacts from the dig. He will accept the necklace from Flora. He will say "It's amazing how things can endure for so long" when shown an artifact.

Ramalan

2A
cinta sejati
3B
cinta monyet
1C
cinta dibagi 3
4D
sama2 suka
5E
cinta main2
6F
tdk slng brhbngn
8G
cinta sampai mati
9H
cinta gombal
1I
cinta palsu
4J
cinta slng mbnci
3K
cta tk dirstui
6L
cta tk slng mnyngi
1M
cta spai disni
7N
cta slng mnghrmti
9O
berbunga2
7P
cta slng mbthkn
4Q
jdh diakhr nnti
8R
jodoh
9S
dia slngkh
1T
cta bsmi kmbli
7U
cta tk pnya hati
6V
dia tdk cta km
5W
walaupn kta pts
6X
jdh itu tdk kmn2
10Y
cta bta
7Z
I LOVE YOU

lucu lho

Kumpulan Cerita Lucu Part-1

Posted on August 31st, 2008 by Tigis

Tadi malam di opis iseng-iseng buka berkas imel-imel gelundungan dan menemukan sejumlah imel berisi cerita lucu. Gue compile sekalian dan sajikan di sini. Lumayan buat bekal ngabuburit. Kalau belum pernah baca ya syukurlah, kalau sudah ya syukurlah juga

KISAH SEORANG DOKTER

Seorang lelaki yang kebetulan seorang dokter muda, merasa sangat tidak enak dengan apa yang telah terjadi.

Ia pulang ke rumah dengan wajah suntuk. Setibanya di rumah, ia merebahkan diri di ranjang dan pikirannya kacau.

Lalu ia mendengar suara dalam kepalanya berkata,

“Sudahlah, nggak usah terlalu dipikirkan. Skandal dokter berhubungan intim dengan pasiennya terjadi di mana-mana. Jadi kamu nggak usah kuatir.”

Lelaki tersebut mencoba untuk setuju, tapi apa yang telah terjadi pagi itu terbayang kembali dan perasaan tidak enak muncul lagi.

Ia membalikkan badan dan mendengar lagi suara dalam kepalanya,

“Nggak usah kuatir,orang sudah mulai terbiasa dengan skandal hubungan seksual antara dokter dan pasiennya.”

Lelaki itu mulai rileks dan perasaannya berangsur-angsur membaik…………….

Ketika tiba-tiba suara lain dalam kepalanya berkata,

“Tapi masalahnya kamu kan dokter hewan…”

DUA PRIA DI AKHIRAT

Ada dua pria, baru saja meninggal, sedang menunggu nasib di pintu akhirat, karena iseng, mereka kemudian mengobrol.

Pria 1 : “Sebab apa kamu meninggal ?”.
Pria 2 : “Mati beku”.
Pria 1 : “Bagaimana rasanya mati beku ?”.
Pria 2 : “Nggak terlalu sakit, mula2x merasa dingin, lalu merasa badan mulai beku, dan selanjutnya gampang saja, tahu2x saya sudah berada di sini, lha situ sendiri kenapa matinya ?”.

Pria 1 : “Serangan jantung, saya selalu curiga, istri saya ada main dengan cowok lain, jadi satu hari saya pulang kantor lebih cepat, saya mendengar suara pria, lalu segera saya lari ke kamar saya di lantai dua, istri
saya ada di ranjang, tapi kok tidak ada orang lain, saya buka lemari pakaian, tidak ada orang, saya lari ke dapur dilantai satu, nggak ada orang, saya lari ke kamar mandi, melewati kulkas, nggak ada orang juga, terus saya lari langsung ke lantai 3, & begitu sampai, saya kena serangan jantung & mati”.

Pria 2 : “Sayang sekali, coba kalau waktu itu anda buka saja itu pintu kulkas, mungkin kita berdua nggak bakal mati”.

SOPIR TAKSI BARU

Setelah berjalan sekian lama, penumpang menepuk pundak sopir taksi untuk menanyakan sesuatu. Reaksinya sungguh tak terduga. Sopir taksi begitu terkejutnya sampai tak sengaja menginjak gas lebih dalam dan hampir saja menabrak mobil lain.

Akhirnya ia bisa menguasai kemudi dan menghentikan mobilnya di pinggir jalan.

“Tolong, jangan sekali-sekali melakukan itu lagi,” kata sopir taksi dengan wajah pucat dan menahan marah.

Penumpang: “Maaf, saya tidak bermaksud mengejutkan. Saya tidak mengira kalau menyentuh pundak saja bisa begitu mengejutkan Bapak.”

Sopir taksi: “Persoalannya begini, ini hari pertama saya jadi sopir taksi. Bapak juga merupakan penumpang pertama.”

Penumpang: “Oh begitu. Terus, kok bisa kaget begitu?”

Sopir taksi: “Sebelumnya saya adalah sopir mobil jenazah.”

LOGIC THINKER

Pada suatu hari di suatu bar, masuklah seorang berpakaian perlente dan minum di bar tersebut.
Sang bartender melihat manusia keren tersebut tertarik dan bertanya: Apa pekerjaan bung? Lalu orang itu menjawab, ooooo saya adalah seorang Logic Thinker.

Si bartender bingung dan bertanya : apa itu pekerjaan logic thinker?
Orang itu menjawab: wah susah menerangkannya, soalnya memang bukan pekerjaan yang lazim, tapi saya akan kasih anda contoh saja, ok?
Bartender : Ok!
tamu : Begini, pertama-tama saya bertanya dulu, apakah anda punya akuarium?
Bartender : O ya saya punya akuarium buesuaaarrr di rumah.
tamu : Nah kalo anda punya akuarium , logisnya anda punya ikan
Bartender : O ya saya punya ikan berbagai jenis
tamu : nah kalo anda punya ikan , anda pasti sayang binatang
bartender : Oya betul sekali saya sangat sayang pada binatang
tamu : Kalo anda sayang binatang, apalagi pada anak anda!! Anda pasti sangat menyayangi anak anda.
bartender : Betul sekali (kegirangan) saya mencintai anak saya lebih dari ikan.
tamu : Nah logisnya, jika punya anak pasti punya istri.
bartender : Anda kok tahu? saya memang punya istri cantik jelita.
tamu : Tentu saja saya tahu karena itu semua hanya logis saja. nah sekarang pertanyaan terakhir, jika anda punya istri dan anak, berarti anda tidak impoten!!! betul?
bartender : 100% betul saya tidak impoten.
tamu : Nah begitulah kira-kira logic thinker itu.
bartender : oooo begitu tho? saya ngerti sekarang (sambil takjub)

Lalu setelah tamu itu pergi, datanglah teman si bartender dan bertanya:
teman : eh, kamu tadi kok asyik sekali omong apa?
bartender : ooo tadi saya membicarakan pekerjaan orang itu sebagai logic thinker
teman : apa itu logic thinker
bartender : Begini lho saya terangkan (lagaknya kumat) pertama-tama saya tanya dahulu : kamu punya akuarium ndak?
teman : ndak punya tuh?
bartender : (berseru dengan keras dan pasti) BERARTI ANDA IMPOTEN!

ISTRI CANTIK DAN JELEK DI MATA SUAMI

kalo istri cantik ga sempet masak buat suami atau masakannya ga enak
suami bilang: ndak papa sayang? kita makan di restoran aja yuk?

kalo istri jelek ga sempet masak buat suami atau masakannya ga enak
suami bilang: masakan kok sama tampang sama? sama2 ga enak

************************************************** ********

kalo istri cantik kebelet minta dibeliin mobil baru
suami bilang: sabar ya sayang, nabung dulu? apa sih yang nggak aku beri
buat kamu?

kalo istri jelek kebelet minta dibeliin mobil baru
suami bilang: kamu tuh? ga tau apa cari duit susah, minta aneh2 lagi

************************************************** ********

kalo istri cantik lagi hamil tua lewat depan suami
suami bilang: sayang? wanita itu kalu sedang hamil justru sexy lho

kalo istri jelek lagi hamil tua lewat depan suami
suami bilang: weleh? gentong jalan, ngapain sih mondar mandir aje

************************************************** ********

kalo istri cantik ga mau nyuci pakaian
suami bilang: ahhh kan ada pembantu dan mesin cuci, lagian ntar tangan kamu
jadi kasar lho?

kalo istri jelek ga mau nyuci pakaian
suami bilang: dasar sok? timbang nyuci pakaian aja ga mau? (sambil geleng2
kepala)

************************************************** ********

kalo istri cantik lagi ngambek dan cemberut
suami bilang: kamu biar cemberut gitu tetep keliatan manis kok yang?

kalo istri jelek lagi ngambek dan cemberut
suami bilang: muka dari tadi dilipet ga dilipet juga sama aja?

************************************************** ********

kalo istri cantik lupa bangunin suami untuk kerja
suami bilang: kamu tidurnya nyenyak banget ya semalam, gapapa kok sekali2
aku telat kekantor?

kalo istri jelek lupa bangunin suami untuk kerja
suami bilang: Tidur apa pingsan? aku bakal kena marah boss nih gara2 kamu?

************************************************** ********

kalo istri cantik dandan pake make up mahal
suami bilang: kamu tambah cantik deh? I Love You

kalo istri jelek dandan pake make up mahal
suami bilang: dasar BUBOR? Ibu-ibu Boros?!

************************************************** ********

kalo istri cantik kentut
suami bilang: ga papa sayang? kl kentut di tahan2 bikin penyakit lho?

kalo istri jelek kentut
Suami bilang: bau tau ga?! ga ada sopan santunnya sama sekali

************************************************** ********

kalo istri cantik ngajak plesiran ke Bali
suami bilang: Bali is beautiful place

Kalo istri jelek ngajak plesir ke bali
suami bilang: alah? ancol aja kenapa yang deket!!!

************************************************** ********

kalo istri cantik lagi sakit
suami bilang: Sebentar lagi juga sembuh? kamu banyak istirahat ya

kalo istri jelek lagi sakit
suami bilang: wah? jangan2 bentar lagi nih? namanya juga umur

************************************************** ********

kalo istri cantik pulang kerja lembur sampe malam
suami bilang: kamu pasti lelah sekali malam ini?

kalo istri jelek pulang kerja sampe malam
suami bilang: Ngapain sih ngelembur2 segala sampe lupa masakin suami

************************************************** ********

kalo istri cantik udah bbrp kali melahirkan
suami bilang: ikutan senam di gym aja biar tetap bugar dan km tetap cantik

kalo istri jelek udah bbrp kali melahirkan
suami bilang: Tuh badan melar semua? ikutan senam sana tiap minggu pagi di
halaman PUSKESMAS?

KAKEKNYA MONYET

Seorang penjual topi berjalan melintasi hutan. Karena cuaca panas, ia memutuskan beristirahat sejenak dibawah sebuah pohon besar. Sebelum merebahkan diri, ia meletakkan keranjang berisi topi-topi dagangan disampingnya. Beberapa jam ia terlelap dan terbangun oleh suara-suara ribut.

Hal pertama yang disadarinya adalah bahwa semua topi dagangannya telah hilang. Kemudian ia mendengar suara monyet-monyet di atas pohon. Ia mendongak keatas dan betapa terkejutnya ia melihat pohon itu penuh dengan monyet. Yang semuanya mengenakan topi-topinya.

Penjual topi itu terduduk dan berpikir keras bagaimana caranya ia bisa mendapatkan kembali topi-topi dagangannya yang sedang dibuat main-main oleh monyet-monyet itu. Ia berpikir dan berpikir, dan mulai menggaruk-garuk kepalanya. Ternyata monyet-monyet itu menirukan tingkah lakunya. Kemudian, ia melepas topinya dan mengipas-ngipaskan ke wajahnya. Ternyata monyet-monyet itu pun melakukan hal yang sama.

Aha..! Ia pun mendapat ide..! Lalu ia membuang topinya ke tanah, dan monyet-monyet itu juga membuang topi-topi di tangan mereka ke tanah. Segera saja si penjual itu mengumpulkan dan mendapatkan kembali semua topi-topinya. Ia pun melanjutkan perjalanannya.

Lima puluh tahun kemudian, cucu dari si penjual topi itu juga menjadi seorang penjual topi juga dan telah mendengar cerita tentang monyet-monyet itu dari kakeknya. Suatu hari, persis seperti kakeknya, ia melintasi hutan yang sama. Ia beristirahat di bawah pohon yang sama dan meletakkan keranjang berisi topi-topi dagangan di sampingnya. Ketika terbangun iapun menyadari kalau monyet-monyet dipohon tersebut telah mengambil semua topi-topinya.

Ia pun teringat akan cerita kakeknya. Ia mulai menggaruk-garuk kepala, dan monyet-monyet itu menirukannya. Ia melepas topinya dan mengipas-ngipaskan ke wajahnya, monyet-monyet itu masih menirukannya. Nah, sekarang ia merasa yakin akan ide kakeknya. Kemudian ia melempar topinya ke tanah. Tapi kali ini ia yang terkejut, karena monyet-monyet itu tidak menirukannya dan tetap memegangi topi-topi itu erat-erat.

Kemudian, seekor monyet turun dari pohon, mengambil topi yang dilemparkan oleh cucu penjual topi itu, lalu menepuk bahunya sambil berkata,

“Emangnya cuman elo aja yang punya kakek…?”

SELINGKUH SIIHHH….

Dhani lagi nyantep sarapan sambil baca koran di halaman depan, ketika ia tiba-2 dikagetkan dengan sebuah pukulan di belakang kepalanya…. “toennggg……..” demikian bunyi piring seng yg dipukulkan oleh istrinya dan tepat mengenai botaknya….

Nggak ada ujan nggak ada angin digituin, si Dhani marah-2…
“He..!! ngapain mukul-2 suamimu ????”
“Lu dasar laki-2 hidung belang…..” balas istrinya “siapa DESI yang kamu tulis namanya di kertas dalam dompetmu itu ?”

Dhani sempat gelagapan, nyaris kepergok selingkuhnya dengan DESI, untung dia langsung ketemu jurus ampuh buat menghindar…..
“O… rupanya itu toh….. DESI itu nama Kuda taruhan, kemarin aku sempet taruhan sama temen-2 di kantor….”
Untung sang istri percaya, jadi perang dunia tak jadi meletus….

Tiga hari kemudian…. “TOENG…” kali ini rantang mendarat di kepala Dhani yang botak dengan lebih kenceng… Ampir semaput….Dhani marah-2 sama istrinya….
“Kenapa kau pukul aku Mam ???” Istrinya dengan kalem menjawab : “TUH… KUDAMU telepon nyari kamu……”

OLEH-OLEH DARI ABANG

Abang : “Hai Butet kalau abang pulang dari Jakarta kamu minta apa?”

Butet : “Sekarang kan udah zamannya modern aku minta HP lah Bang”

Abang : “Bagus permintaan kamu nanti abang bawakan”

Abang : “Hai Sinaga kamu minta apa?”

Sinaga : “Aku minta kaca mata biar kaya artis di TV.”

Abang : “Oh.. tenang nanti abang bawakan”

Abang : “Siburian kamu mau dibawakan apa?”

Siburian : “Aku minta dompet kulit yang asli Bang, disini khan tiruan semua”

Abang : “Oh.. gampang nanti abang bawakan…”

Abang : “Ucok kamu mau dibawakan apa?”

Ucok : “Kebetulan bang, aku nggak punya ikat pinggang, kau bawakan aku ikat pinggang sajalah.”

Abang : “Susah kali permintaan kau itu… kalau HP, kacamata, dompet mudah ku dapatkan, tapi ikat pinggang… susah kali kutarik itu dari pinggang orang…”

MURID DAN GURU

Seorang murid yang dikenal nakal dan rada kurang ajar bertanya pada guru fisikanya yg dikenal sangat kejam.

Murid : Pak saya ada pertanyaan
Guru : Apa ?
Murid : Sebuah lilin yg menyala ditutup dengan gelas, lilin tersebut mati. Hal itu membuktikan apa ????
Guru : Tidak ada udara di dalam gelas
Murid : Salah !
Guru : Lalu apa ?
Murid : Membuktikan bahwa kita kurang kerjaan …

WARTAWAN MENGAKU AYAH KORBAN

Seorang wartawan sedang meliput peristiwa kecelakaan. Karena banyak orang yg mengerumuni lokasi kecelakaan, shg wartawan tsb tdk dpt menerobos untuk melihat korban dari dekat.

Setelah makan MENTOS, wartawan tsb dapat ide. “Minggir-minggir semua, SAYA AYAH KORBAN!”ia berseru. “Saya minta jalan.” Benar saja…..kerumunan itu membiarkan dia lewat. Semua mata terarah kepada wartawan tsb.

Wartawan jadi GR, dalam hati: “Berhasil juga, mentos emang ok!!!

Ketika sampai ditengah kerumunan, ia terpana melihat… SEEKOR ANAK MONYET tergeletak tak berdaya!

TUKANG KAYU YANG JUJUR

Pada suatu hari ada seorang penebang kayu sedangmenebangi cabang sebuah pohon yang melintang di atas sungai. Tiba-tiba kapaknya terjatuh ke sungai itu.

Ketika ia mulai menangis, Tuhan menampakkan diri dan bertanya, “Mengapa kamu menangis?”

Si penebang kayu menjawab bahwa kapaknya telah terjatuh ke dalam sungai.

Segera Tuhan masuk ke dalam air dan muncul dengan sebuah kapak emas.
“Inikah kapakmu?” Tuhan bertanya.
“Bukan” si penebang kayu menjawab.
Tuhan masuk kembali ke air dan muncul dengan kapak perak.
“Inikah kapakmu?” Tuhan bertanya.
“Bukan” si penebang kayu menjawab.
Sekali lagi Tuhan masuk ke air dan muncul dengan kapak besi.

“Inikah kapakmu?” Tuhan bertanya.
“Ya” jawab si penebang kayu. Tuhan sangat senang dengan kejujurannya dan memberikan ketiga kapak itu kepadanya. Si penebang kayu pulang ke rumahnya dengan hati bahagia.

Beberapa waktu kemudian, si penebang kayu berjalan-jalan di sepanjang sungai dengan istrinya. Tiba-tiba sang istri terjatuh ke dalam sungai.

Ketika ia mulai menangis, Tuhan menampakkan diri dan bertanya, “Mengapa kamu menangis?”
Si penebang kayu menjawab bahwa istrinya telah terjatuh ke dalam sungai.

Segera Tuhan masuk ke dalam air dan muncul dengan Britney Spears.
“Inikah istrimu?” Tuhan bertanya.
“Ya” si penebang kayu menjawab.

Mendengar itu, Tuhan menjadi sangat marah. “Kamu berbuat curang! Aku akan mengutukmu…” tegur Tuhan.
“Nanti dulu,” si penebang kayu segera menjawab.

“Maafkan saya, ya Tuhan. Ini hanya kesalahpahaman belaka. Kalau saya berkata “Bukan” pada Britney Spears, Engkau pasti akan muncul kembali dengan Christina Aguilera. Kalau saya juga berkata “Bukan” kepadanya, pada akhirnya Engkau pasti akan muncul dengan istri saya. Dan ketika saya berkata “Ya”, Engkau pasti akan memberikan ketiganya. Saya tidak bisa berlaku adil, dan saya adalah orang miskin. Saya tidak akan mampu menghidupi mereka bertiga. Itu sebabnya saya menjawab “Ya”.

BERSAING SAMA SAPI

Pada suatu kunjungan di sebuah peternakan yang dilakukan oleh peserta seminar keluarga harmonis.

Seorang Pemandu Tapos menceritakan bahwa sapi di tempat tersebut sangat sehat dan kuat-kuat.

Pemandu : “Bapak-bapak dan Ibu-ibu, ini sapi dari New Zealand sangat kuat sehari bisa 5 kali berhubungan dengan sapi betina”

Ibu-ibu sambil nyenggol Bapaknya : “Tuh.. Pak 5 kali sehari, bisa nggak? …masa kalah sama sapi ?”

Pemandu : “Bapak-bapak dan Ibu-ibu, ini sapi Australia lebih kuat lagi, sehari bisa sampai 10 Kali”

Ibu-ibu nyenggol lagi Bapaknya : “Tuh.. pak 10 x bayangin …..!!!”
Bapak – bapak : Grrrrrr !!!!

Bapak-bapak semakin panas dan langsung tanya kepada pemandu, “Pak Pemandu … itu 10 kali berhubungan dengan betinanya yang sama apa beda-beda …?”

Pemandu : “Ya… beda-beda dong Pak”

Serentak Bapak-bapak langsung senggol ibu ibunya: “Tuh, Bu betinanya beda-beda, boleh nggak …?”

UJANG NGLAMAR KERJAAN

Si Ujang dari kampung hendak melamar kerja di sebuah perusahaan asing di Jakarta. Padahal bahasa Inggrisnya asli pas-pasan menuju babak belur…tapi dasar nekat, si Ujang melamar juga.

Ia disodori formulir berbahasa Inggris.
“Euleuh…euleuh….bahasa Inggris, euy!” Ujang langsung ngisi formulir:

NAME : UJANG KASEP PISAN
ADDRESS: Jl. Atimaung No. 70
PHONE : 34598756
AGE : 28
SEX : ….

Sejenak si Ujang berpikir mengernyitkan dahinya, “Walah… kata pak ustad juga tidak boleh ini mah… pamali! Kumaha ini yaah jawabnyah ?”

Akhirnya Ujang yang polos itu mengisi dengan sejujur-jujurnya…
SEX: NEVERRR!!!

MENTANG-MENTANG GURU BAHASA INDONESIA

siang itu guru bahasa indonesia sedang mengabsen muridnya.

guru : ahmad
ahmad : hadir, pak.
guru : budi
budi : hadir
guru : emon
anak2 : tidak masuk pak
guru : apa?? tidak masuk?? pintu segede gitu tidak bisa dimasuki emon!
ahmad : eh, gak sekolah pak.
guru : aduh kasian, emon gak bisa sekolah.
dadang : oh, anu pak, tidak hadir.
guru : oh, tidak hadir ngomong dong dari tadi.

SELINGKUH

Tolong saya Dok”, kata Budi yang perwira militer pada dokter.

“Apa yang bisa saya bantu?”, tanya dokter.

“Beberapa hari yang lalu waktu saya pulang dari kantor, saya menangkap basah istri saya sedang berselingkuh dengan lelaki lain. Lalu saya ambil pistol saya dan saya acungkan pada istri saya. Lelaki selingkuhannya berkata bahwa percuma saya membunuh istri saya karena saya akan masuk penjara dan tidak pernah lagi bisa bersama istri saya. Saya luluh, lalu ia mengajak minum kopi”.

“Lalu apa masalahnya?”, tanya dokter.

“Dua hari kemudian istri saya melakukan hal yang sama dengan lelaki yang sama. Saya todongkan pistol ke arah lelaki selingkuhan istri saya, tapi sekali lagi ia membujuk bahwa kalaupun ia mati, istrinya akan berselingkuh lagi dengan lelaki lainnya. Saya luluh dan ia mengajak saya minum kopi”.

“Jadi apa hubungannya dengan kedatanganmu ke sini?”, tanya dokter.

“Tadi saya memergoki istri saya melakukan hal yang sama lagi. Di depan mereka, saya todongkan pistol ke mulut saya, lalu lelaki itu berkata bahwa kalau saya mati akan rugi karena justru memberi peluang seluas-luasnya kepada kami untuk selalu bersama-sama. Saya luluh dan iapun mengajak saya minum kopi”.

“Langsung ke pokok persoalan aja deh”, kata dokter tak sabar.

“Kopi itu bisa merusak kesehatan saya nggak Dok?”.

TIPS MENGHADAPI POLANTAS

Berani enggak “gokil” begini ?

Seorang Polantas menghentikan mobil seorang pria yang ngebut dengan kecepatan tinggi menerobos lampu merah, dan bermaksud menilangnya.

Polantas: “Selamat malam Pak. Tolong lihat SIM-nya”.
Pria : “Wah, nggak ada Pak. SIM saya sudah dicabut gara-gara terlalu sering ditilang”.
Polantas: (Menyeringai) “Oya .? Kalau begitu, tolong perlihatkan STNK-nya”.
Pria : “Nggak punya Pak. Soalnya ini bukan mobil saya. Ini mobil hasil curian”.
Polantas: “Mobil curian?”
Pria : “Benar Pak. Tapi, tunggu sebentar. Kalau nggak salah ingat, saya lihat ada STNK di kotak perkakas di jok belakang waktu saya menyimpan pistol saya di sana”
Polantas: “Hah …? Ada pistol di kotak perkakas?”
Pria : “Iya Pak. Saya menaruh pistol saya di sana ketika saya selesai merampok dan membunuh seorang wanita dan menaruh mayatnya di bagasi”.
Polantas: “Ada MAYAT di BAGASI ..?”
Pria : (Dengan muka dingin) “Iya Pak….”.

Mendengar demikian, dengan panik si Polantas menelepon atasannya yang kemudian menghubungi Kapolda. Tidak berapa lama kemudian, mobil itu segera dikepung oleh mobil-mobil polisi dan Kapolda mendekati si pria sambil memintanya untuk tetap tenang.

Kapolda: “Boleh saya lihat SIM Anda, Pak ?”
Pria : “Oh, tentu”. (SIM-nya masih berlaku dan resmi)
Kapolda: “Mobil siapa ini ?”
Pria : “Mobil saya Pak. Ini STNK saya”. (Juga masih berlaku)
Kapolda: ” Boleh Anda buka kotak perkakas dengan perlahan dan tunjukkan kepada saya pistol Anda di sana ?”
Pria : “Tentu saja Pak, tapi tidak ada pistol disana”. (Tentu saja, memang tidak ada pistol di sana)
Kapolda: “Hmm.. kalau begitu, boleh tolong buka bagasinya? Saya mendapat laporan bahwa ada mayat di sana”.
Pria : “Baik Pak …” (Bagasi dibuka dan memang tidak ada mayat di sana.)
Kapolda: “Saya tidak mengerti. Petugas yang menghentikan mobil Bapak mengatakan bahwa Bapak tidak mempunyai SIM, mencuri mobil ini, punya pistol di kotak perkakas, habis merampok dan membawa mayat di bagasi”.
Pria : “Oh, begitukah ceritanya .? Saya yakin si pembohong besar itu juga mengatakan kepada Bapak bahwa saya ngebut melanggar lampu merah .”.

ANAK KOMUNIS

Di sebuah kelas pelajaran Pancasila, seorang guru yang masih pro Orde Baru bertanya pada siswanya.

“Siapa yang membangun Indonesia” Tanya si guru
“Orde Baru!” jawab murid-murid

“Siapa penjaga persatuan nasional?” Tanya si guru

“Orde baru “ jawab murid

“Siapa yang membangun sekolah kita?”, tanya si guru

“Orde Baru !” jawab murid.

Tapi ternyata tidak semua murid menjawab, satu orang murid tampak duduk berdiam diri sejak tadi.

“Kenapa kamu tidak menjawab seperti teman-temanmu? “Tanya si guru menyelidik.

“Sebab saya PKI”, jawab si murid.
“Kenapa kamu PKI” Tanya si guru
“Sebab ayah saya PKI dan ibu saya PKI”, jawab si murid.
“ Kamu tidak harus menjadi PKI kalau orang tuamu PKI. Kalau ayahmu pencuri dan ibumu pencuri, masak kamu juga mau jadi pencuri?” ujar siguru.

“Kalau orang tua saya pencuri, tentu saya pilih orde baru” jawab si murid.

HANTU CANTIK DI LIFT

Kisah yang sangat menyeramkan dan mengerikan ini terjadi pada seorang staff laki-laki yang bekerja di lantai 12 Graha Elnusa Jl TB Simatupang Jak-Sel. Suatu malam (hari kamis malam jumat) beliau bekerja lembur dan terpaksa pulang agak larut malam sekitar jam 21:00 malam sendirian. Sampai di depan lift, dia pun tekan tombol untuk turun. Kemudian pintu lift terbuka tanpa ada siapa-siapa didalamnya. Dia masuk dan menekan tombol ‘B1′ untuk menuju Basement.

Tetapi entah kenapa lift ini bukannya turun melainkan terus naik keatas. Lift berjalan terus hingga sampai ke lantai 16, berhenti dan terbuka. Ketika pintu lift terbuka, ada seorang wanita cantik jelita dan menawan sekali tersenyum manis dan masuk ke lift. Si Staff laki-laki tersebut merasa heran…..karena dia merasa tidak pernah melihat perempuan tersebut selama dia bekerja di gedung tersebut. Perempuan tersebut masuk dan berdiri di belakangnya. Sesaat kemudian tercium wangi bunga melati, maka Diapun bertanya-tanya dalam hatinya …siapa perempuan tersebut, dan kenapa sudah malam begini belum pulang kerumahnya, mau disapa terasa malu, jadi masing-masing saling terdiam.

Dalam suasana hening dan sunyi itu, lift turun perlahan tingkat demi tingkat. Tapi ketika sampai pada lantai 10, tiba-tiba lampu lift padam dan lift berhenti. Seketika itu dia mencium aroma bau yang teramat busuk, yang mengganggu hidungnya. Dan bulu romanya tiba-tiba merinding. Diapun langsung berkeringat dingin dan ……. sebisa-bisanya membaca ayat-ayat suci yang terlintas dikepalanya sambil memberanikan diri dan perlahan-lahan menoleh kebelakang setelah lampu lift menyala. Dan apa yang …..dilihat….? Tiba-tiba saja, perempuan yang berada dibelakangnya tertawa malu…dan berkata:

“Maaf ya Mas’, saya kentut ..”

PUNYA ANJING TIDAK GALAK

Seorang pria melihat seekor anjing sedang berbaring di sebelah seorang tua yg sedang duduk membaca koran.

“Apakah anjingmu galak?”, tanyanya

“Tidak”

Tapi ketika si pria mencoba mengelusnya, si anjing dengan ganas menerkam tangannya dan mengigitnya hingga hampir putus”

“Hei! Kamu bilang anjingmu tidak galak!”

“Memang tidak. Itu bukan anjing saya”

SIAPA PALING BERANI

Di atas geladak kapal perang amerika, tiga pemimpin negara sedang “berdiskusi’ tentang prajurit siapa yang paling BERANI…….

GEORGE BUSH: kalo anda tahu… prajurit kami adalah yang terberani di seluruh dunia… Eh kebetulan disekitar kapal ada hiu-hiu yang sedang kelaparan lagi berenang cari makan…
GEORGE BUSH : sersan… sini deh… coba kamu berenang kelilingin ini kapal sepuluhkali
SERSAN : (walau tahu ada hiu) siap pak… demi “star and spangled banerr” saya siap…. (akhirnya dia terjun dan mengelilingi kapal sepuluh kali sambil dikejar hiu)
SERSAN : (naik kapal dan menghadap ) selesai pak!!! long live america!!
GEORGE BUSH : hebat kamu, kembali ke pasukan

TONNY BLAIR : (tak mau ketinggalan, dia panggil sang mayor) mayor, menghadap sebentar (sang mayor datang )…coba kamu kelilingi kapal perang ini sebanyak 50 kali…
MAYOR : (melihat ada hiu… glek… tapi..) for the queen i am ready to serve!!! pekik sang mayor. (setelah buka baju lalu terjun ke laut dan berenang 50 keliling…dan dikejar hiu juga…)
MAYOR : (menghadap sang perdana mentri) GOD save the queen!!!
TONNY BLAIR : hebat kamu… kembali ke tempat…. anda lihat pak bush… prajurit saya lebih berani dari prajurit anda…(tersenyum dengan lebar..)

Presiden Indonesia gak mau kalah juga…
MEGAWATI : letnan ke sini kamu…. (setelah datang…) saya perintahkan kamu untuk terjun ke laut lalu berenang mengelilingi kapal perang ini sebanyak 100 kali…..ok?
LETNAN BEJO : hah…. anda gila yah…. apa anda punya otak….nyuruh berenang bersama hiu… kurang ajar !!!! Sang letnanpun pergi meninggalkan sang presiden….
MEGAWATI : ( Dengan sangat bangga ) Anda lihat pak bush dan pak blair… kira-kira siapa yang punya prajurit yang sangat BERANI !!!!!……. HIDUP INDONESIA…….

GEMBALA KAMBING

Suatu hari, Fulan berpapasan dengan seorang gembala dengan kambingnya.
Fulan bertanya dengan takjub

Fulan: “Pak, boleh nanya nih?”
Gembala: “Boleh”
Fulan : “Kambing-kambing bapak sehat sekali,bapak kasih makan apa?”
Gembala : “yang mana dulu nih? yang hitam atau yang putih?”
Fulan : “mmmm …Yang hitam dulu deh….”
Gembala : “oh, kalo yang hitam, dia makannya rumput basah”
Fulan : “ohh…kalo yang putih?”
Gembala : “yang putih juga…”
Fulan : “hmmm…kambing-kambing ini, kuat jalan berapa kilo pak?”
Gembala : “yang mana dulu nih? yang hitam atau yang putih?”
Fulan : “mmmm Yang hitam dulu deh….”
Gembala : “oh, kalo yang hitam, 4 km sehari”
Fulan : “kalo yang putih?”
Gembala : “yang putih juga…”

Si Fulan mulai gondok…. : “kambing ini,menghasilkan banyak bulu ngga pak, pertahunnya?”
Gembala : “yang mana dulu nih? yang hitam atau yang putih?”
Fulan : “(dengan kesalnya) yang hitam dulu deh…”
Gembala : “oh, yang hitam, banyak…10 kg/th”
Fulan : “kalo yang putih…?”
Gembala : “yang putih juga”
Fulan : “BAPAK KENAPA SIH SELALU NGEBEDAIN KAMBING DUA INI, KALO JAWABANNYA SAMA??????”
Gembala : “oh, gini dik, soalnya yang hitam itu,punya saya….”
Fulan : “Oh gitu pak, maaf kalo saya emosi… , kalo yang putih?”
Gembala : “yang putih juga”
Fulan : #$@%!!??

DILARANG MEROKOK

Sepulang dari kantor, gue mampir ke suatu mall buat beli obat di counter apotik kecil yang ada disitu. Setelah nyerahin resepnya, gue beli rokok ke counter disebelahnya dan kemudian gue duduk santai buat nunggu panggilan untuk pengambilan obatnya.

Untuk pengisi waktu, rokok yang baru gue beli langsung aja keluarin dan gue nyalain sebatang. Baru aja jalan tiga isepan, gue udah disamperin sama Security (Satpam) yang ada dideket situ. “Mangap Mas … eh, maksud saya maaf, rokoknya tolong dimati’in deh. Diruangan ber-AC ini dilarang merokok…”, tegor si mas Satpam.

Dengan sok merasa lebih pinter gue mencoba untuk membela diri, sebenernya sih maksudnya untuk menutupi malu karena ditegor Satpam “Laah …, aneh banget peraturan di sini, gue kan beli rokoknya juga disini, di counter yang disitu tuh… kalau gitu disini ya jangan jualan rokok dong…”, kata gue kesel tapi penuh percaya diri.

Tapi rupanya Mas Security nggak gentar kena gertak, dengan kalemnya dia jawab: “Yaaahh Mas…, asal anda tahu aja nih. Counter apotik itu juga jual kondom, tapi nggak ada yang ngotot pengen make disini …!!”

BOLOT

Alkisah seorang tukang becak yang bolot dengan seorang turis dari inggris :

Org Inggris: “COME HERE, COME HERE!”
Tukang becak: “Hah?! GAMBIR???”
Org Inggris : “WHAT?”
Tukang becak : “KUAT koq….”
Org Inggris : “LET`S GO!”
Tukang becak : “Hah?! CENGGO?! Becak bapak lu CENGGO!”

UNJUK KEBOLEHAN

Dahulu kala pernah diadain kontes unjuk kebolehan para jagoan gunain senjata masing2x dr seluruh jagad. Alhasil hanya ada 3 jagoan yg masuk final.

Finalis-1 ROBINHOOD dgn panah mautnya. Dilepas seekor lalat oleh juri dia langsung membidik dan wuuuutt… kena.. Lalat jatuh terbelah jd 2 bagian. Penonton & juri berdecak kagum.

Finalis-2 ZORRO dgn anggar kilatnya. Dilepas jg seekor lalat dan beet… bett… Lalat jatuh terbelah jd 4 bagian. Penonton & juri tambah berdecak kagum.

Finalis3 SI PITUNG dgn golok saktinya. Lagi2x dilepas seekor lalat dan beett…beett..Lalatnya tetep aja terbang santai. Penonton meneriaki & mengejek…HUUUUU..!. Kemudian juri dgn herannya bertanya “Hai Pitung apa hebatnya dgn golok kamu ??”

Si Pitung dgn santai & yakin banget menjawab “Ehh elu2x pade kagak liat ape itu Lalat baru aja gue SUNAT!!!”..
PENONTON & JURI : “HAAAHHHH!!!!!!????”

BUNKER SADDAM…!!

AS mengebom Iraq, tetapi bunker Saddam sedikitpun tak tertembus, sehingga presiden AS menelepon ke Indonesia, meminta bantuan langsung kepada Bapak Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono presiden kita.

Kata SBY : “Kami tidak bisa membantu apa-apa, anda sendiri pasti mengerti bahwa kami tidak mempunyai peralatan miltier secanggih negara anda. Jadi, kalau negara anda tidak bisa menembus bunker Iraq, apalagi kami…..!!??” jawab presiden.

Presiden AS lalu menjawab, “Saya tidak minta bantuan peralatan militer, cukup tolong kirim si INUL buat ngebor Bunker..!!”

KENTUT ITU BAIK ATAU BURUK?

Si Atun marah-marah ama si Dul karena di kentutin.
Si Atun: “Dul yg bener dong masa sih elo kentutin gua”
Si Dul : “Sekarang gua tanya kentut itu baik apa buruk?”
Si Atun: ” Ya jelas kentut itu buruk”
Si Dul: ” Makanya kalo buruk gua buang!”
Si Atun: ” Terus kalo gua jawab baik?”
Si Dul : “Makanya gua bagi ame elo!”

BENGAL ATAU KREATIF?

Di sebuah sekolah dasar, suatu saat seorang guru bertanya pada salah satu muridnya:

Bu Guru : “Hei Udin tolong jawab pertanyaan ibu yaach…, Kalo ada 5 ekor burung di jendela, kemudian ditembak satu, berapa yang masih tertinggal??????”
Udin : “Habis dong Bu, kan lainnya pada terbang”
Bu Guru : “Salah, harusnya dijawab masih tinggal 4 ekor, tapi saya seneng kok cara kamu berpikir…..”

Di saat yang lain Udin balik bertanya pada Bu Guru.

Udin : “Bu Guru tolong jawab pertanyaan saya…Kalo ada tiga orang cewek, masing-masing membawa es krim, cewek pertama makan es krim dengan menggenggam contongnya, yang kedua dengan menjilati es krim tersebut, yang ketiga langsung mengulumnya, Manakah diantara cewek itu yang sudah menikah?”

Bu Guru : “Haaahhhh ….. pasti yang makannya dengan mengulum langsung yaaaa”
Udin : “Salah….. harusnya dijawab yang sudah pake cincin kawin, tapi saya senang lihat cara berpikir Bu Guru”
Bu Guru : ??!!!#@$%^

PENCAK SILAT

Satu ketika teman saya yang tinggal di amerika pulang kerja, tapi ia salah memasukkan nomor alarm karena lupa. Tiba-tiba polisi datang, karena nomor yang dimasukkan salah maka alarm secara otomatis langsung terhubung ke 911.

Polisi bertanya dari mobilnya sambil senapan diarahkan kepada teman saya, katanya, “Where do you come from, Sir?”

Teman saya menjawab, “Indonesia Sir!”

Kebetulan si polisi ini waktu ia dinas di California sempat belajar pencak silat sama orang indonesia. Kemudian polisi ini bertanya, “Do you know pencak silat?”

“Yes, Sir!” teman saya menjawab sambil ketakutan, “PANCASILA: Satu, Ketuhanan Yang Mahaesa, Dua …. (dst.)”

GURU DAN MURID

Guru : “Anak anak, Indonesia terletak antara dua samudra dan dua…?”
Murid : “Benuaaaa….!”
Guru : “Salah ! Yang benar Indonesia terletak diantara dua samudra dan dua duanya amatlah dalam…!”
Guru : “Sekarang flora dan fauna. Kalau akan paus binatang mamalia , buaya binatang reptilia, kambing binatang herbivora. Sedangkan macan adalah binatang….?”
Mudrid : “Carnivora !”
Guru : “Kalian ini memang goblok ….Macan adalah binatang yang amat menakutkan…!”
Murid : ??????
Guru : “Sekarang tentang kesehatan. Kemarin si budi jatuh dari pohon, dia pingsan, tungkainya mengenai batu tajam sehingga keluar…?”
Murid : “Darahhh….!”
Guru : “Aduuuhhhh, Benar benar goblok! Yang benar Dia pingsan, tungkainya mengenai batu tajam sehingga keluarganya kelabakan…!”
Murid: %$%@^#$@^%#$@@#@

CARA DAPAT DUIT

Di sebuah TK seorang guru menanyai tiga orang muridnya tentang huruf.

Guru : Adi huruf apa yang kamu hafalin?
Adi : A, B, C, D, E, F, G, Pak, karena cita-cita saya jadi pemusik jadi cukup hafal huruf itu saja.
Guru : Kalau kamu Heru ?
Heru : A, B dan O, Pak soalnya cita-cita saya kerja di PMI jadi untuk menghafal golongan darah cukup huruf itu saja.
Guru : “Kalau kamu Ida?
Ida : A dan H, Pak
Guru : Lho kok cuma itu?
Ida : Ya, Pak soalnya dengan huruf itu saya sudah dapat cari duit, kan tinggal bilang: ‘Ah… Ah…

MADE IN JAPAN

Di luar Hotel Hilton, seorang turis jepang, mau pergi ke bandara, naik taxi di jalan, tiba2 mobil kencang banget, menyalip taxinya si jepang, dan dengan bangga si jepang berteiak,

“Aaaah Toyota made in japan sangat cepat…!

Nggak lama kemudian mobil lain nyalip juga taxinya si jepang, si Jepang teriak lagi

“Aaah Nissan made in japan.. sangat cepat.

Nggak lama lagi lewat lagi satu mobil menyalip taxinya si jepang, dia teriak lagi

“AAaah Mitsubishi made in japan sangat cepat…! .

kali ini sopir taxi, kesal melihat penumpangnya yang bener-bener nasionalis, di bandara sopir taxi bilang ke si jepang…

Supir taxi: “100 dollars please…..”
Si Jepang: 100 dollars..?! It’s not that far from the hotel….!!!!!!!!!!!
Supir taxi: “Aaaah… Argometer made in japan sangat cepat……..”!!!!!! ???

NAMA JEPANG DAN KERJAANNYA

Kuraba Sakumu –> Pencopet.
Sayabisa Urusi –> Calo.
Nikita Sukanari –> Penari di tempat hiburan.
Samakami Sampepagi –> Cewek penghibur di nightclub.
Takasi Kamucoba –> Sales door to door.

Kosewa Rumaku –> Pemilik rumah kontrakan.
Kitakasi Murasaja –> Seorang pemilik toko.
Minumi Kabeh –> Seorang pemabuk.

Yukasi Kitaterima –> Kasir.
Akusuka Takuti –> Preman.
Mukamu Sayabedaki –> Pekerja salon.
Sini Takupotongi –> Tukang pangkas.
Ayodiri Satusatu –> Pemimpin upacara baris-berbaris.

Takada Gaji –> Pengangguran.
Aigaya Sanasini –> Fotomodel.
Kitabuka Kamupoto –> Fotomodel porno.
Akubuka Kamumasuki –> Penjaga pintu gerbang.
Sukabawa Sayuri –> Tukang sayur.

Tyada Ruma –> Gelandangan.
Yukira Kitaawasi –> Pengawas Pajak.
Kanji Kitakasi –> Tukang jual tepung.
Maunya Chiumi –> Parfum tester.

Kusabuni Itunoda –> Tukang cuci.

Satemura Oke –> Tukang sate.
Disini Adaguchi –> Penjual keramik.
Masimuda Masutipi –> Artis cilik.

———————————————–

Udah dulu ya. Ngantuk nih abis masuk malem. Pengen bobo dulu. Sambung lagi lain kali

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